My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
