Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
