I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
