I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
