I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
