Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
