I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
