I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize