So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
