do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
