..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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