I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
