a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
