I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
