i think my tv is drunk
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
