Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
