I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
