How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
