Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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