I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's blow job season.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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