Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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