On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
