i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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