talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize