True but thats because hes a fetus.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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