Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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