Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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