i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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