I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
