I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
