Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
