you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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