ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
