i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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