so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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