Taylor Swift is so right about you.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Randomize
