Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
