textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
