I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
