i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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