I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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