Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
