He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
