WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
