There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
