Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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