Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
where does the pee come out of this thing
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
