I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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