where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
