Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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