My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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