I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
we're so committed to being not committed
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize