I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
