if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
