Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize