Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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