oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
