Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he thought i was a dude.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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