Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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