We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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