you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
