dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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