Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
