I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
