i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
