i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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