Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
