i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
