so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize