gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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