Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
