You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
