Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
