so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
