first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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