My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
