You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
