This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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