Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
