I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
