ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
