im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
