if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize