I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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