You really coming over, don't trick.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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